Be Kind

So I’ve been up all hours of the day and night the last few days thinking to myself a simple question of “why do I try to make others happy/smile as much as I do” and I typically go through great lengths to do so at times. It’s been hard for me to pinpoint exactly why, but I’ve had a few pieces I’ve managed to nab out of my mind and figured I’d share. As a person who struggles with his own emotional demons, mainly that of depression, I’ve seen the wickedness they can unleash upon ones self. For my emotional demons have manifested in both suicidal actions and unbridled rage on separate occasions of my life, costing me greatly and furthering myself into despair. So now I continuously attempt to show others that despite all this misery, chaos, and insanity there are still good people out there or people willing to help. I may not be a perfect person and have done bad things to others in my life, but I never wish to see another suffer. So I do what is in my power such as buying a game for a person, holding the door, offering to visit someone when I can, get a plane ticket so I can hang with someone, or just sitting there and listening to whatever woes that person has because at the end of the day they’re just another lost person trying to figure their way through the harshness of our reality. One thing I say though is it isn’t easy and will never be easy, specially of you have certain aspects working against you, but all we can do is try to make to best of it and continue on. That is something I try to show them too, that despite it all we can try to continue moving forward without giving up and that it is okay to lean on others. Some people don’t get this or their pride prohibits them from getting help to any degree, but in the end they still need it. Break them down piece by piece until they let you in to help them for their sake, please please do that. You may not understand what it’s like to be in their shoes, but the very least we can do as a fellow human being is attempt to make each other smile. Show them that this world, even though it has such sorrows and misery in it, can become a beautiful place if you try. I can honestly say I could use that in my life more often, but even though I don’t have someone like that around doesn’t mean I won’t stop trying to show others joy.

Sorry this post jumped around a lot, but just had thoughts I needed to get out there.

Keep Strong,

Life and more PCB

So I haven’t written anything in awhile and figured I’d try to start again because I need some place to get my thoughts out. It’s been pretty rough on my mind lately, severe depression coupled with a few other things and it’s unfortunately taken it’s toll on me. I stopped making my PCB stuff for awhile, stopped talking to the few people I do, didn’t really game at all and when I did I’d be quiet, and just became severely reclusive doing nothing all day. There were a few nights it got so bad I’d start crying out of nowhere or I’d just lay there in a catatonic like state letting whatever was on my TV just play on and on. I could name one of many things that is at fault for my mind getting into such a dark space, but honestly what would it accomplish. The most unfortunate part about this is I was ready to completely give up, forsake my friends and family, just completely disappear. I didn’t want to do anything anymore at all and still don’t sort of, but I have to try at the very least. So the other day I got off my ass, took apart a broken TV, removed the pieces off the PCB, and made up a few more pieces. It felt kind of good to actually start working on it again and I hope to keep myself in the swing of things, that’s the main thing I need to do. Keep myself occupied, let my mind not wander, and just keep moving forward as best as I can.

On a side note I did dye my hair purple, but it came out a bit weird. Since I didn’t have enough dye and the bleaching didn’t completely lighten all my hair it’s streaked. I have spots of like purple, dark purple, blonde, and cherry blonde. It’s actually pretty rad and I’m happy I finally went a different color, but now at least I know to get two bottles of the dye.

Well for now I’ll post the few pieces I made the other day along with a few I made awhile back, but completely spaced on posting.

pcb collect1 pcb collection

Well hopefully I’ll have more to show off along with a few new designs over the next few days. I’ll try to make sure to post them as soon as I get a few of them done!

We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in;
machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.
Our knowledge has made us cynical,
our cleverness hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little.
More than machinery we need humanity,
more than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness
– From Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator

Keep Moving Forward,

A Storm In Life

As usual this will be another post containing whatever thoughts are on my mind, songs I’m addicted, thing’s I’m working on, and quotes I like if I’ve found any. Oh I also think I’ve figured out the format I want to type out things. It’d go song, thoughts/life, projects, pictures, quote, and then closing. It’d obviously depend if I have any of these things to type up at the moment of creating a post, but that will hopefully be the continuous layout I have.

I’ve recently gotten myself re-addicted to The Glitch Mob and man I forgot how much I these guys. They’re potentially my favorite Glitch styled artist out there currently. I put on to The Glitch Mob and probably have had it going for the last 3 or so hours. You’d think we me about to see a show I’d binge on those guys instead, but nope my love has been rekindled for this group. If you’re into Electronica at all I suggest taking a peek at these guys especially this song (you can click it!). It’s one of my favorites and showcases their ability to add lyrics to a song without it going over the top on the vocals, which I feel is the sole focus on some Electronica artists lately.

So over the last few days a storm of thoughts over the last few days and it’s definitely taking a toll on me. Normally when I have an influx of thoughts they’re nothing to serious, but this is beyond the normal one. This time it’s nearly impossible to keep myself distracted from what is going on inside my head to the point it’s sapping my enjoyment of things. Gaming is no fun and provides a distraction, walks and biking don’t do anything, and basically everything else has been bland and boring. Oddly enough I knew it was coming on too, because typically when I get like this my depression starts acting up and gaming is the first thing to go. After that everything else starts seeming pointless, boring, or just not worthwhile to do. Unfortunately there isn’t much I can do to change this currently other than wait it out, but I am hoping it won’t last too long.

Another thing on my mind lately is what am I doing with myself and where will I be in the next few years. They’re along the same vein of thought process so figured I group them together. Unfortunately I’m not anywhere near what I’ve expected of myself at this age, in fact I’m severely off, because I though I’d be through college by now. I never went through with it though since I was unsure what I wanted to do and didn’t have the cash for it. Now I finally know what I want to do, but I’m absolutely terrified of the idea of going back to school. It’s been so long since I’ve been in the setting of higher education, let alone attempted to further myself through those things. Sadly I keep making excuses for myself for not trying to go back and what’s worse is I know that I’m making up excuses. I’m trying to get over this weird fear of mine, but I don’t know if I can push past it. I’ve lost a lot of drive over the last year and I’m just starting to get a handle on myself again.

Just a bit of random rambling on things now. My hair is almost as long as it used to be awhile ago, which makes me absurdly happy. Personally I love my long hair and others typically like it, but I’ve also gotten comments that they like it short even saying that it’s “cute” on me. Now I got a show I’m going to tomorrow, so hopefully that will be awesome. Sadly I know nobody going to this show with me so I’m all by myself, which is something I’m still not used to for concert. Final thing is I got a few things I’m waiting for currently. New Game of Thrones, Red Versus Blue, and Penny Dreadful are the shows I’m waiting for and games are Halo 5, Witcher 3, and Silent Hills. Halo 5 and Silent Hills are the two deciding factors on the PS4/Xbox One consoles for me since they’re both two great series that I’ve always had fun playing. Hopefully I’ll be able to get both systems at one point, but for now I’ll decide on one after a few exclusives are released.

Enough personal venting and such though, at least for now, because I have some good news. I officially finished my first PCB pin! The keyhole design turned out pretty well, albeit a bit lopsided, but I am so excited to have it completed. I’ve learned something about cutting out these designs though in the process, so hopefully the next one will be better. The ink, marker, or whatever I use to mark when I cut easily wipes off the board so I have to be exact and quick about it. I was almost screwed over though in making the circular part of the keyhole because with cutting it I can only do straight lines. I figured a way to rig up my Dremel by using my grip to hold it in place and realized I had a grinding attachment for it. After that it was simply just grinding down the redrawn outline I had and BAM! I have my first pin. It was oddly a relaxing process of making it and took a bit longer than I wanted due to weather. Now this first half was typed up a few days earlier, but never got around to posting it. I recently finished my 2nd PCB cut-out and it’s a heart. It turned out absolutely amazing! I just need to touch up a few things here and there, try to remove a bit more of the excess solder, and then get a hole in it for a jump ring. This one I want to make into a necklace due to the way the back and front look. I must say I am decently proud of myself on how it turned out, specially considering it’s my second attempt at this.

Now just a few pictures. The 1st set cover the back then front of the keyhole, the 2nd set shows off the front and back of the heart, and the final picture is me showing off my hair. Oh how I can’t wait for it to be longer.

11074712_10206642578046599_7588314655907093561_n 11036343_10206642578486610_2464547807820327251_n 10400770_10206673222812699_2297290149604394367_n 11018580_10206673223092706_5494960518110898823_n 11070898_10206656357111067_1701596929044155678_n

Welp time to end this post though, but before popping off I want to at least end with a quote that I’ve been in love with for awhile.

The loneliest people can be the kindest. The saddest people sometimes smile the brightest. The most damaged people are filled with wisdom. All because they do not wish the pain they’ve endured on another soul.

Having A Great One,

PCB Project

So I figured I’d upload a few images of the little bit of work I’ve managed to get done on my project today. I was so excited to finally start on it too! In fact as I’m typing this I realized I completely forgot to eat anything so far which I probably should do instead of type this up. Woke up to see a great selection of cutting and sanding pieces for the Dremel tool I am using, so as soon as I opened those up I got straight to setting everything up.

pcb imag2 pcb image1

The first two here are just me in my crazy setup outside, it’s crappy and wish the spacing was better but it suits my needs at the very least. Hopefully I can find or make a better layout for myself over the next few days that way I don’t have to stop when the sun starts to go down. These are also probably the closest I’ll get to posting full blown photos of myself. Also not the sweat pants, got to keep it comfy even when work haha.

pcb image

Now this is what I’ve managed to get done so far today. It’s the first one I’ve ever done and I’m really excited how it’s turn out so far. Tracing the outline of the image I wanted was thankfully easily, but I have learned I should probably let the marker sit on the PCB a bit prior to cutting it since it kept rubbing off. Unfortunately I don’t have any of the necklace make material currently so it’ll end up being a pin, which for it’s size I think will suit it better. I decided though out of the two designs I would start with, the other is a heart, that the keyhole would be my best bet. Well that’s all for now and wish me luck! Also if you have any ideas on other designs I should try out just leave a comment.

Keep Smiling,

Life In General

So I’m going to being hitting on a few thoughts I’ve had with the emotional spectrum and their meaning/effects in my life with this one. Don’t know how it’ll go, it’ll potentially be just rambling, but none the less I want to get it out there.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, mainly bout my past, but none the less a lot. Unfortunately things that come with me thinking about these subjects typically manifest in the forms of depression and regret. I know lots of people struggle with both of these things through their entire life, I am one of them, and it’s a shame people don’t realize it or react wrongly to those people. I feel that they don’t realize that we’re not happy because we don’t want to be, heck if anything it’s the opposite of that, but we’re not happy because we can’t be. Something at some point greatly effected us, we have a mental ailment, or even a combination of both that keeps us in these gloomy moods. Sometimes they’re mild for me, but I’ve had days where I can’t function as a human or randomly burst into tears. The benefit of me having these issues though is there too because it helps me learn how to cope on my own and pass those things onto others. It gives me a purpose with my issues and I can say I’m thankful for that. So all I have to say is if you know a person that struggles with their sorrows just be kind and patient with them, they will not magically be better one day but instead it will take time for them to heal again. Just try to stick by there side, help them along the way, and make sure they don’t do anything stupid it because of the depression.

Now onto a jolly one, happiness. This is one that’s probably one of my main goals in life, to achieve what I perceive as happiness for myself. It’s a hard goal to reach, at least in my eyes, for many of us. There are various factors in life that get us so close, but then just snatch it away or we’re almost at the peek of happiness though fall short. Having it in your life, even if it isn’t the most amount you can get, still is a big thing. Lots of people out there only get a smidgen of it unfortunately and others have lots of it, but don’t help others achieve their happiness. The last part is what irks me the most, because we pass by people suffering in some form or another yet we just let them wither away in their issues. We don’t try to help, we don’t offer comforting words, we just continue shuffling amongst ourselves. I, with my recent reemergence into socialization, try to make it an active point to see people smile. I love it when I’m able to do that, because I know that even if I got them to smile for a second, that it probably helped them a little bit that day. I really think it’s something we need to try to do as a species more often because that one little smile, that little bit of time and effort, can go a long way and make a person’s life infinitely better that day. Also I feel that people need to realize even though it makes them happy, though their source of happiness might anger or annoy you, that you should try to be tolerant and let them have it. We have no right to rob a person of their joy at the end of the day, unless it truly is something morally wrong, and it’s something a lot of people need to try and accept. Either way I do believe we all deserve happiness and hope we can all reach it one day.

Empathy, while isn’t an emotion per se, it technically covers almost every emotion out there. I do say a lot of people confuse this with sympathy though, which isn’t wrong really, but it’s more or less a more advanced for of sympathy. I am a severely empathetic person and I have a love/hate relationship with it. It’s great because I’m able to relate to another person’s emotions and situation, despite not experiencing it myself, and from that I can potentially help them. It can be harmful at times, especially when a person is going through such extreme negative emotions like suicidal depression or pure rage, because then you can get dragged into that mindset with them. Another hazard that comes with it is how people can in turn manipulate you via their emotions, they realize you empathetic nature and use it to take advantage of you or blind you from the things around you. I’ve had it happen a few times, I’ve learned from my mistakes, but I still wouldn’t give it up. It’s allowed me to be such a compassionate human being, despite my flaws and mistakes, and allowed me to help several people that have been in my life.

Don’t know where I was exactly going with this post, but felt the urge to just get it out there. Especially after the craziness of the last few days. So enjoy the read, comment, like, glimpse over, whatever fancies you. All in all I hope you get something from this and keep going forward through life despite the chaos around us. Oh and hopefully I’ll get a few pictures up on Sunday or Monday of my art project and the progress I’ve made.

Stay Smiling,