Life In General

So I’m going to being hitting on a few thoughts I’ve had with the emotional spectrum and their meaning/effects in my life with this one. Don’t know how it’ll go, it’ll potentially be just rambling, but none the less I want to get it out there.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately, mainly bout my past, but none the less a lot. Unfortunately things that come with me thinking about these subjects typically manifest in the forms of depression and regret. I know lots of people struggle with both of these things through their entire life, I am one of them, and it’s a shame people don’t realize it or react wrongly to those people. I feel that they don’t realize that we’re not happy because we don’t want to be, heck if anything it’s the opposite of that, but we’re not happy because we can’t be. Something at some point greatly effected us, we have a mental ailment, or even a combination of both that keeps us in these gloomy moods. Sometimes they’re mild for me, but I’ve had days where I can’t function as a human or randomly burst into tears. The benefit of me having these issues though is there too because it helps me learn how to cope on my own and pass those things onto others. It gives me a purpose with my issues and I can say I’m thankful for that. So all I have to say is if you know a person that struggles with their sorrows just be kind and patient with them, they will not magically be better one day but instead it will take time for them to heal again. Just try to stick by there side, help them along the way, and make sure they don’t do anything stupid it because of the depression.

Now onto a jolly one, happiness. This is one that’s probably one of my main goals in life, to achieve what I perceive as happiness for myself. It’s a hard goal to reach, at least in my eyes, for many of us. There are various factors in life that get us so close, but then just snatch it away or we’re almost at the peek of happiness though fall short. Having it in your life, even if it isn’t the most amount you can get, still is a big thing. Lots of people out there only get a smidgen of it unfortunately and others have lots of it, but don’t help others achieve their happiness. The last part is what irks me the most, because we pass by people suffering in some form or another yet we just let them wither away in their issues. We don’t try to help, we don’t offer comforting words, we just continue shuffling amongst ourselves. I, with my recent reemergence into socialization, try to make it an active point to see people smile. I love it when I’m able to do that, because I know that even if I got them to smile for a second, that it probably helped them a little bit that day. I really think it’s something we need to try to do as a species more often because that one little smile, that little bit of time and effort, can go a long way and make a person’s life infinitely better that day. Also I feel that people need to realize even though it makes them happy, though their source of happiness might anger or annoy you, that you should try to be tolerant and let them have it. We have no right to rob a person of their joy at the end of the day, unless it truly is something morally wrong, and it’s something a lot of people need to try and accept. Either way I do believe we all deserve happiness and hope we can all reach it one day.

Empathy, while isn’t an emotion per se, it technically covers almost every emotion out there. I do say a lot of people confuse this with sympathy though, which isn’t wrong really, but it’s more or less a more advanced for of sympathy. I am a severely empathetic person and I have a love/hate relationship with it. It’s great because I’m able to relate to another person’s emotions and situation, despite not experiencing it myself, and from that I can potentially help them. It can be harmful at times, especially when a person is going through such extreme negative emotions like suicidal depression or pure rage, because then you can get dragged into that mindset with them. Another hazard that comes with it is how people can in turn manipulate you via their emotions, they realize you empathetic nature and use it to take advantage of you or blind you from the things around you. I’ve had it happen a few times, I’ve learned from my mistakes, but I still wouldn’t give it up. It’s allowed me to be such a compassionate human being, despite my flaws and mistakes, and allowed me to help several people that have been in my life.

Don’t know where I was exactly going with this post, but felt the urge to just get it out there. Especially after the craziness of the last few days. So enjoy the read, comment, like, glimpse over, whatever fancies you. All in all I hope you get something from this and keep going forward through life despite the chaos around us. Oh and hopefully I’ll get a few pictures up on Sunday or Monday of my art project and the progress I’ve made.

Stay Smiling,

We Are The Hearts

Going to say now sorry if this post pops all over the place, but there are a couple of things I wanted to touch on. Most, if not all, of my future posts will probably bounce around like this. Also excuse my writing style, it’s probably not the best and can be potentially difficult to read so forgive me now.

So recently I’ve been listening to a lot of electronic music and stumbled across a beauty, can’t stop listening to it at all. It’s pretty amazing song and I keep finding myself going back to it over and over again. You can find it here if you want to hear it at all which I severely suggest. Though there’s one other song, one that I found about a year ago now, that I’ve also found myself going back to a lot lately. It’s tone is one of sorrow and lost, but the transition from acoustic to electric guitars is one I love.

There was a time before all these lonely nights, washed away with innocence. Forgetting. The voice inside my soul, compassion letting go, leaving me alone again. Regretting. The days when all our love we’d hide inside me. The crooked frame within your heart slowly fading. The life that you deserved and all the pain that lived in you, I’ve held onto.

These lyrics are absolutely amazing to me because of the way to speak to me. To me it speaks about the lost of someone, whether they were a friend, lover, or family, and the effect it has on you after you their gone from your life. I’ve felt this type of lost a couple of times before myself from losing some amazing people in my life, but I continue on even though the memory of them is still there.

Recently took up biking around again, which is pretty amazing considering how much of a shut in I’ve been, but I got to say I absolutely love it. I’ve really missed going around with no aim in sight, just rushing along the side of the road, seeing all the buildings and people around me. I really have missed it so I must make it a point to get out and do it more, especially since the snow has finally melted away. Though it’s a shame my good bicycle is still broken and have to use my backup one, but I’m not sure if I want to use a bit of my taxes to get it fixed yet.

I did go out the other day though which was amazing to me since I’ve retreated from the outside world, but I got to say I had an overall good time. I went downtown with my spare bike and just went all over town seeing some new places and visiting old ones. Unfortunately the old ones dredged up a few memories of a past I can no longer have, but I try to remind myself this is here and now and not live in those memories anymore. I did go see Edgar Allan Poe’s grave finally and it was absolutely stunning to me. It was amazing to me when I saw the flowers, liquor, drawing, and various other things people leave at his headstone. To think a man who was nearly 200 years in our past is still remembered and having a profound impact on people this very moment. The building, which is called Westminster Hall and Burying Ground, is a beautiful old building that stands out amongst the crowd to me. Some of the headstones there were in abysmal state of weather erosion, which made me immensely sad, because these people there had a decent effect on the history of our country and of my town. It’d be amazing to see somebody attempt to restore some of the rundown ones. Though not all of them were in that state, the more prominent people were in okay to great shape, though I wish they’d take care of all of them equally. In the mean time here are a few pictures I snapped with my cellphone, they’re not the greatest quality but I figured I’d share them at least.

poe2 poe3 poe4
As for what’s going on in my life lately I can say not too much. I’ve recently started reaching out to others that were once a near everyday occurrence, but drifted away due to my lack of socialization and putting my previous relationship first. I can say it’s a bit weird talking to people again and making plans because I haven’t done something like this in years. I typically would avoid and make up bogus excuses to avoid contact people for various reasons. Now I’m actually actively trying to hang with old friends and go out to shows again which makes me very proud of myself. I guess I can finally say I’m starting to move forward with my life again and get it back in order.

On a different note that still relates to my life, I am finally getting my art project going! I purchased a portable vice that’s on a swivel mount for holding onto the PCB when stripping it, a hobby knife kit for cutting out my stencils, a rebreather for when I cut into the PCB or stripping because of the dust and potential exposure to harmful chemicals, and the obvious safety goggles. I’m really excited to have this finally started up, because it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now. I’ll probably just start by making simple stencils and pins move onto more complex ones once I hone my craft. Once I’m better at it I’ll probably figure out a way to move onto converting them into necklaces too, but that might be awhile. I got to thank my family though for this, without them I’d never of even though of doing this and they’ve suggested some great designs for me to attempt. At the end of it all I really hope I can take this somewhere, because it seems like it’ll be a passion of mine. For now though I can share a little image of the tiny little work station I have going on, but I’ll have to change it around soon to incorporate the new utensils I have.

pcb station
Keep calm and game on,


So I’m pretty much the definition of new to blogging in every single sense. I’ve read a few here and there across sites, but never attempted to do any sort of my own blogging. Figured I’d attempt a shot at it, but not too sure what I will or want to write about. It’ll probably end up be ramblings of mine, general things in my life, and little odds and ends here and there.

For now I figured I share a little doodle I made ages ago to go with a song/poem I started writing, but never finished unfortunately.


This is something I doodled and written about 6 years ago give or take and what I had went

“Reach out and take my hand
I’ll take you to a better land
A place that’s nothing, just you and me
A place that we can forever be”

Which I know this is probably absurdly sappy and will make a few people go “ugh”, but oh well I wrote this in a different time and a different place of my life but figured I’d share.

The other one I wanted to share is something I wrote even longer ago, but still remember it to this day. This one I can say is on the darker side of things, but I still love it because it was one of my firsts.
“It’s cold to the flesh
It’s tearing away
Where it is going I dare not say
That cut goes left
And then goes up
The blood trickles, it’s not enough”

Welp that’s all I got for now, but if I think of anything else I’ll try to post it here.